New York to Macon, GA
Yesterday began early in Phildelphia, on my way back to work in Georgia for a couple of days. You have to check in 46 miutes before a flight to get your baggage in the hold properly. Also, if you bring stuff through the TSA checkpoint, they let you bring some things that you might not expect, like contact lens solution, in large quantities. The lady said that they can’t see the saline solution on the x-ray, no matter the quantity…..not something she should say to the terrorists. They, after 5 flights cached discreetly between the lining and the pocket, finally found the Neutrogena lotion I was missing in my backpack. Those machines are handy.
The insurgency in Iraq must have investors beating a path to their bunkers and banging down their steel doors (after, of course, the insurgents beat a path to and bang down the investors doors and kidnap them) with an annual budget funded by diverse products and services such as oil and kidnapping, of hundreds of millions of dollars. This is how consultants make their money; they go into these operations that already have a good cash flow and hone their skills. You could offer maybe scarf cleaning for a year to the clan with the highest margin beheadings in the province, or a new HD camera to the highest rated fatwa each season. Maybe they could offer a three day course at NBC to learn about theatrical lighting and set design (“use yellow light if your sheet is off-white, or if you’ve been hiding in your bunker so long that your tan has faded, “black scarves must match AK47 to prevent flickering on TV screens”) When they invade a neighborhood, there’s sure to be waste as they run around henny-penny with religious texts and handcuffs flying all over the place; maybe they could use email instead. There are areas for improvement here, not just by killing more people, but by killing people better.
I was ordering at a Seattle’s Best Coffee in Atlanta Hartsfield International yesterday (across from the Atlanta Bread Company, which I’ve visited in Chicago Midway only) when the woman behind me asked me to order her a medium chai latte. I was about to speak the words when I realized that this was strange. So I turned into her blood swollen eyes and asked if she was going to pay for it, thinking it was like a rum and coke for little Penny Lou at the bar, but realizing that, no, chai is offered to all ages. So of course, I was supposed to buy this drink for this beggar. She said she only had $5 and she had to get some pizza at Sbarro (if you want to eat, and are homeless, fly to Atlanta). I said “if you are homeless and have managed to get $5, in an airport with Security Officers on Segways no less (“how to escape now, jihadi?”), why not start with a small?” She said “There’s a lot of nutrients in the chai, it’s very healthy and I need the protein.” Now the girl behind the counter was watching and listening as this is essentially a three-way conversation now and I ‘m a little uncomfortable because I like to help people but I’m not sure this would be the right way. I’m thinking that this woman is spending 80% of her GDP on a drink that’s loaded with sugar and cholesterol. So I walk to the drink-receiving port to my right, thinking that I will have escaped and the next wool-hatted private college flannel man in line will decide this woman’s fate. Of course now I haven’t paid for my own drink, so I’ve got to go back to the register and hold another press conference about giving to the homeless. This time I gave her $1 and said, put that towards your drink and have a good day. She wondered aloud why I didn’t give her $2, which is still far too little for all but a simple coffee (no says the corporate literature, the Best Coffee!), but is probably how she makes money in any quantity at all. I told the woman at the counter to give her the Nice Price (a really useful phrase when negotiating) or the Corporate Discount (also somewhat useful at Hotel Desks, if $10 means that much to you or it is not a holiday weekend) and walked away. I think after all it would be better for the Segways to corner this woman before she started spending inside the airport food court and offered her a way to get downtown or something, where she would have options other than premium priced beverages.
The insurgency in Iraq must have investors beating a path to their bunkers and banging down their steel doors (after, of course, the insurgents beat a path to and bang down the investors doors and kidnap them) with an annual budget funded by diverse products and services such as oil and kidnapping, of hundreds of millions of dollars. This is how consultants make their money; they go into these operations that already have a good cash flow and hone their skills. You could offer maybe scarf cleaning for a year to the clan with the highest margin beheadings in the province, or a new HD camera to the highest rated fatwa each season. Maybe they could offer a three day course at NBC to learn about theatrical lighting and set design (“use yellow light if your sheet is off-white, or if you’ve been hiding in your bunker so long that your tan has faded, “black scarves must match AK47 to prevent flickering on TV screens”) When they invade a neighborhood, there’s sure to be waste as they run around henny-penny with religious texts and handcuffs flying all over the place; maybe they could use email instead. There are areas for improvement here, not just by killing more people, but by killing people better.
I was ordering at a Seattle’s Best Coffee in Atlanta Hartsfield International yesterday (across from the Atlanta Bread Company, which I’ve visited in Chicago Midway only) when the woman behind me asked me to order her a medium chai latte. I was about to speak the words when I realized that this was strange. So I turned into her blood swollen eyes and asked if she was going to pay for it, thinking it was like a rum and coke for little Penny Lou at the bar, but realizing that, no, chai is offered to all ages. So of course, I was supposed to buy this drink for this beggar. She said she only had $5 and she had to get some pizza at Sbarro (if you want to eat, and are homeless, fly to Atlanta). I said “if you are homeless and have managed to get $5, in an airport with Security Officers on Segways no less (“how to escape now, jihadi?”), why not start with a small?” She said “There’s a lot of nutrients in the chai, it’s very healthy and I need the protein.” Now the girl behind the counter was watching and listening as this is essentially a three-way conversation now and I ‘m a little uncomfortable because I like to help people but I’m not sure this would be the right way. I’m thinking that this woman is spending 80% of her GDP on a drink that’s loaded with sugar and cholesterol. So I walk to the drink-receiving port to my right, thinking that I will have escaped and the next wool-hatted private college flannel man in line will decide this woman’s fate. Of course now I haven’t paid for my own drink, so I’ve got to go back to the register and hold another press conference about giving to the homeless. This time I gave her $1 and said, put that towards your drink and have a good day. She wondered aloud why I didn’t give her $2, which is still far too little for all but a simple coffee (no says the corporate literature, the Best Coffee!), but is probably how she makes money in any quantity at all. I told the woman at the counter to give her the Nice Price (a really useful phrase when negotiating) or the Corporate Discount (also somewhat useful at Hotel Desks, if $10 means that much to you or it is not a holiday weekend) and walked away. I think after all it would be better for the Segways to corner this woman before she started spending inside the airport food court and offered her a way to get downtown or something, where she would have options other than premium priced beverages.
posted by Michael Flanagan at 8:07 PM
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