II

Our week in Ottawa was highlighted by several more St. Patrick’s day parties and a visit to the cat ranch next to the house of parliament. They sure do look after those kittens. The beer is ultimately expensive in Ontario, and is kept in stores labeled according to their contents: “The Beer Store, “The Wine Rack.”

Our trip back across the pond featured a stop at a luxurious and duty free Duty Free shop. Here you could buy things like cigarettes without supporting either the US or Canada in neither the war on drugs nor terror.

The biggest news is that I wished upon a Weinstein and got an accountant. This is someone to whom I can tell all my secrets -- like a kitten -- and who, unlike a kitten (I hope) will then write these down and mail them to the government. He specializes in dealing with touring performers and has focused his considerable spare time since 1985 staying up to date with the tax code. We, of course, met at Uncommon Grounds in Saratoga to discuss how to set up a relationship. He wore his gray partial head of hair in a seriously long pony tail covered by a checked newsie cap and featured a homemade looking t shirt advertising his services as tax man. Despite these unique personal touches, we still could not find each other in the crowd.

He handed me a packet which includes simplifications of several tax forms available from the IRS. There are places to put numbers corresponding to my “records” of how much I spent on makeup and photos of myself. Clothing is only deductible if it cannot be worn on the street. No matter how shiny the dinner jacket, it could be worn to the mall and is not deductible. No matter how epileptic my tapping, the tap shoes are not fit for 5th avenue and can be purchased pre-tax thank god. The packet contains at least one error per page.